Child custody, conservatorship and guardianship are legal terms that are sometimes used to describe the legal and practical relationship between a parent and the parent’s child, such as the right of the parent to make decisions for the child, and the parent’s duty to care for the child.

Custody issues typically arise in proceedings involving dissolution of marriage, as well as in paternity, annulment, and other legal proceedings in which children are involved. In most jurisdictions the issue of which parent the child will reside is determined in accordance with the best interests of the child standard. In rare cases custody may be awarded to somebody other than a parent, but only after the fundamental right afforded to biological parent’s has been overcome or where the third party has an established role that is in the manner of a parent. When a child’s parents are not married it is necessary to establish paternity before issues of child custody or support may be determined by a court.

In the decades leading up to the 1970s child custody battles were rare, and in most cases the mother of minor children would receive custody. Since the 1970s, as custody laws have been made gender-neutral, contested custody cases have increased as have cases in which the children are placed in the primary custody of the father.

Family law proceedings that involve issues of residence and contact often generate the most acrimonious disputes. In extreme cases, one parent may accuse the other of trying to “turn” the child(ren) against him or her, allege some form of emotional, physical, or even sexual abuse by the other parent, the “residential” parent may disrupt the other parent’s contact or communication with the child(ren), or a parent may remove the child from the jurisdiction in violation of court orders, so as to frustrate the other parent’s contact with the children.

Following ratification of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child in most countries other than the United States (which has not ratified the convention), terms such as “custody” and “access” (known as “visitation” in the United States) have been superseded in many countries by the concepts of “residence” and “contact”. Instead of a parent having “custody” of or “access” to a child, a child is now said to “reside” or have “contact” with a parent. For a discussion of the new international standards, see parental responsibility.

Courts and legal professionals within the U.S. may use terms such as “parenting time” instead of custody and visitation. The goal of the newer, alternative terminology is to eliminate the distinction between custodial and noncustodial parents, and to better focus on the best interests of the children by crafting schedules that meet the developmental needs of the children. For example, small children may need shorter, more frequent time with parents, whereas older children and teenagers can tolerate and may demand less frequent shifts, but longer blocks of time with each parent.

Physical Custody:

Physical custody means that a parent has the right to have a child live with him or her. Some states will award joint physical custody when the child spends significant amounts of time with both parents. Joint physical custody works best if parents live relatively close to each other, as it lessens the stress on children and allows them to maintain a somewhat normal routine.

Where the child lives primarily with one parent and has visitation with the other, generally the parent with whom the child primarily lives (called the “custodial” parent) will have sole or primary physical custody, and the other parent (the noncustodial parent) will have the right to visitation or parenting time with his or her child.

Legal Custody:

Legal custody of a child means having the right and the obligation to make decisions about a child’s upbringing. A parent with legal custody can make decisions about the child’s schooling, religious upbringing and medical care, for example. In many states, courts regularly award joint legal custody, which means that the decision making is shared by both parents.

If you share joint legal custody with the other parent and you exclude him or her from the decision-making process, your ex can take you back to court and ask the judge to enforce the custody agreement. You won’t get fined or go to jail, but it will probably be embarrassing and cause more friction between the two of you — which may harm the children. What’s more, if you’re represented by an attorney, it’s sure to be expensive.

If you believe the circumstances between you and your child’s other parent make it impossible to share joint legal custody (the other parent won’t communicate with you about important matters or is abusive), you can go to court and ask for sole legal custody. But, in many states, joint legal custody is preferred, so you will have to convince a family court judge that it is not in the best interests of your child.

Sole Custody:

One parent can have either sole legal custody or sole physical custody of a child. Courts generally won’t hesitate to award sole physical custody to one parent if the other parent is deemed unfit — for example, because of alcohol or drug dependency or charges of child abuse or neglect.

However, in most states, courts are moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent and toward enlarging the role both parents play in their children’s lives. Even where courts do award sole physical custody, the parties often still share joint legal custody, and the noncustodial parent enjoys a generous visitation schedule. In these situations, the parents would make joint decisions about the child’s upbringing, but one parent would be deemed the primary physical caretaker, while the other parent would have visitation rights under a parenting agreement or schedule.

It goes without saying that there may be animosity between you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse. But it’s best not to seek sole custody unless the other parent truly causes direct harm to the children. Even then, courts may still allow the other parent supervised visitation.

Joint Custody:

Parents who don’t live together have joint custody (also called shared custody) when they share the decision-making responsibilities for, and/or physical control and custody of, their children. Joint custody can exist if the parents are divorced, separated, or no longer cohabiting, or even if they never lived together. Joint custody may be:

• joint legal custody
• joint physical custody (where the children spend a significant portion of time with each parent), or
• joint legal and physical custody.

Joint Custody Arrangements:

When parents share joint custody, they usually work out a schedule according to their work requirements, housing arrangements and the children’s needs. If the parents cannot agree on a schedule, the court will impose an arrangement. A common pattern is for children to split weeks between each parent’s house or apartment. Other joint physical custody arrangements include:

• alternating months, years, or six-month periods, or
• spending weekends and holidays with one parent, while spending weekdays with the other.

There is even a joint custody arrangement where the children remain in the family home and the parents take turns moving in and out, spending their out time in separate housing of their own. This is commonly called “bird’s nest custody” or “nesting.”

Pros and Cons of Joint Custody:

Joint custody has the advantages of assuring the children continuing contact and involvement with both parents. And it alleviates some of the burdens of parenting for each parent.

There are, of course, disadvantages:

• Children must be shuttled around.
• Parental noncooperation or ill will can have seriously negative effects on children.
• Maintaining two homes for the children can be expensive.

If you have a joint custody arrangement, maintain detailed and organized financial records of your expenses. Keep receipts for groceries, school and after-school activities, clothing and medical care. At some point, your ex may claim he or she has spent more money on the kids than you have, and a judge will appreciate your detailed records.